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The SVP Humor Thread
March 23, 2018
9:44 am
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Paul Grandidge
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Hey, fellas! I've created this thread for us to share a few full-hearted laughs, something to lighten up the day when the going gets rough or you just needed something to pick you up from a gloomy day. Let me start this up with a few shorts:

Scientists finally found out, how much sleep humans exactly need..

...just five more minutes.

March 23, 2018
9:45 am
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This new thesaurus I bought is the worst..

Not only is it terrible, it's terrible.

March 23, 2018
9:45 am
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A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, we have a drink named after you!"

The grasshopper looks surprised and asks, "You have a drink named Steve?"

March 23, 2018
10:45 am
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Good stuff.

Here is a dumb joke I thought of. I'm not really good at quick jokes. I'll need more practice.

 

What do compliments and STD's have in common?

I get them a lot.

March 25, 2018
8:27 am
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Isaiah
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ok, this is pretty cool, I'll give it a try

what has wheels and is green? grass, I was joking about the wheels.

March 25, 2018
3:54 pm
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Isaiah said
ok, this is pretty cool, I'll give it a try

what has wheels and is green? grass, I was joking about the wheels.  

Very random. But that's what makes it funny. 😀

April 3, 2018
9:36 am
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Paul Grandidge
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How many introverts does it take to change a light bulb?

"Why does it have to be a group activity?!"

April 3, 2018
9:37 am
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Is it OK to hate certain races?

Try as I may, I just can't get myself to like the 200 meter dash.

April 3, 2018
9:40 am
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Accordion to a recent survey, replacing words with the names of musical instruments in a sentence...

often goes undetected.

May 2, 2018
10:51 am
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My Wife just accused me of hating her side of the family and relatives.

I replied, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine."

May 2, 2018
10:53 am
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Why doesn't Marvel advertise on Hulk?

He is basically a giant Banner.

May 2, 2018
10:54 am
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How many ants does it take to fill an apartment?

Ten.

May 3, 2018
10:13 am
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Pablo Escobar was being informed on by local children. Mortally wounded by police gunfire, his last words to them were:

"I would have gotten away with it if it weren't for you Medellín kids."

May 3, 2018
10:14 am
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Paul Grandidge
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Husband: Your cooking is horrible despite watching all the cooking shows.

Wife: You watch porn but do I complain?

May 3, 2018
10:15 am
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Paul Grandidge
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Do you know about the Roman emperor who had epilepsy?

It was Julius Seizure.

May 3, 2018
10:59 pm
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If i had a dime for every time i didn't understand what's going on..

I'd be like: "Why y'all keep giving me all these dimes?"

May 3, 2018
11:04 pm
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How do you make an old lady say "Fuck"?

Get another old lady to yell "Bingo!"

May 3, 2018
11:06 pm
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Hey Prof, what can I do to improve my grade?

Prof: um... it's May

Me: LOL, sorry, what MAY I do to improve my grade?

May 7, 2018
7:45 am
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I wanted to marry my English teacher when she got out of jail..

But apparently, you can’t end a sentence with a proposition.

May 7, 2018
7:46 am
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Went to the sperm clinic earlier..

The lady asked ‘would you like to masturbate in the cup?’

I replied ‘I’m good, I’m not ready to compete in a tournament yet.’

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