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The Rookie dialogue ideas and suggestions
December 31, 2016
1:46 pm
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Vortex00
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So I have been playing other VN games to study what I might be able to do to improve The Rookie VN game. In my research I noticed that The Rookie is really lacking, to non existent in, forcing interactions between the player and non-romanced characters. 

In the Rookie the character you are trying to romance is all you really see. One day 1 you go to her for masturbation help, and on day 2 you see her in the morning when yo get to the academy, later you can select her for the mission. You are not ever in situation where you spend time with other characters if you are not trying to. This removes any guilt if ignoring those characters, and removes any potential to like more than on character in a playthrough.

The game is also missing that classic childhood friend. It seem cliche but I feel it is missing here along with the aforementioned.

So I wanted to go back and add in these things to day 1 and parts of day 2.

For the role of childhood friend I wanted that to be Riley. During the scene where she first appears after Luma and Lynn leaves, she actually recognizes the rookie right away and talk for a bit. They were friends as kids but her parents moved or something. The rookie doesn’t remember her at first but begins to remember later on that day as Riley talks about being on time, and how she doesn’t like being called cute, etc.

For adding more time spent with all characters. I think at the start where you first meet Lynn. You stop outside Cain’s office first and Lynn can hear Cain yelling at Albert and Natan and it is pretty heated. So she hangs out with you a little bit first instead and shows you around the school.

you also see/meet the same group of agent trainer girls seen in Day 2 and can talk to them or Lynn. Lynn is kind of quiet and can’t really hold a conversation well. While the girls will easily be talkative and will really be interested in the rookie.

Also if you made the team, on the way home you will bump into Riley. and learn she is staying at the same hosing building as you. you can also hang out with her at night and catch up. You see her in her casual clothes and undies when she visits your room.

I’m thinking also, you bump into Luma on day two before you make it to Rinoga office. similar to day 1 with Lynn you hang out with Luma a bit before going to Rinoga’s office. You also bump into Phia again.

The where you follow Ari an Jeo to the lecture you can talk optimally to them more but Jeo will make it pain you have to suffer through. But it allows you to select Ari to find the sentinel with. there is no sex scene for Ari there like Luma and Riley. And that can lead to a scene with Ari and Jeo in day 3.

After the lecture of day 2 I’m thinking you will bump into the person you have the least favor with and she will ask if you want to go to lunch together.

On the Yui mission on day 2 Lynn will accompany you with Yui. You will also head back with lynn instead of Yui and you can decide to stop at some other places if you want. but if you Cain will come looking at which you can hide from him getting close to lynn.

like on day 1 you will meet Riley on the way home and she will insist you spend time together. if you go out the night you will bump into Luma or Lynn depending on where you go. Also that night if you dont stay out too long when you come back she will go over what Tiffany said during the lecture.

Those are the changes for day 1 and 2.

For Day 3 it is all about combat training, will be the end of the game, and of course will have difference endings. The Rookie will again have a training class, a combat lecture class, and a assignment with Yui but this time he will get to do something. I will use the combat system I tested in ARIA jailbreak. During that assignment the girl you are most favorable with will decide your stats and items.

Before the Yui assignment you will see Luma team before the lecture class and they will ask you some general question with A Luma, Lynn or Riley answer. They will also tease about you hanging out with Riley if you went out on the night of day 2. Alternatively you can hang out with the Agent trainer girl group.

after class the girls need to go back to Nanako. How well yo did in the class depends on if you let Riley tell you the stuff Tiffany talked about on day 2.  on the way to the combat training class. the rookie will run into Ari again. Who will seem a little upset. She will like to the rookie about what it is. unless he talked to her more before yesterdays class and chose he to find the sentinel with. She will mention she need to go pleasure Jeo again but it is getting her in trouble with harold. Jeo talks to Ari like she is piece of shit and you ask if you want to join in fucking her since he thinks you still have the condition. You can but it will likely ruin your relationship with her.

Next is the mission with Yui. It was supposed to be a not fighting  mission but a fight will break out I think. Maybe something at the mall related to the cafe. idk yet. You can handle it without fighting also which all the girls will hear about whatever you do.

After the Yui mission but before you leave you will run into the girl who favors you the most. you can also decide to had back with Yui. Where you can have a scene with Remi and/or maybe Yui.

Luma will be with her sister stacy, then will meet her boyfriend Joiry and you will not get along well with him. you will likely fight him. if you win Luma asks if you want to hang out later tonight. Where she will claim having sex with a condom with not having real sex so it is okay. She will also complain about Joiry having sex with other girls at the cafe and school, etc. If the rookie makes a good case with the cafe he can convince her to not use condom. side dude ending.

Riley – you can ask if she wants to go out later tonight. she will accept if you did well in the class today, also she will say you need to study. The rookie can convince her to have some fun with him in either scenario. if she reject him and says he needs to study she will visit him at his home that night. The rookie can decide to actually be studying or watching TV or something. actually studying would trigger sex scene. best friend ending.

Lynn – asks if you want to go get some ice cream nearby before the day ends. She has to get permission from Yui and also has to call it in with Cain but if the fight is handled a certain way it becomes okay. Lynn is always being watched usually so she sits in the rookies lap but you can decide to penetrate her while she sit there. sex in secret ending

Girl Group – basically down to fuck if you have been talking to them each time. maybe they say they signed up for part time at the cafe and for you to meet them there for a free special or something idk. you can also maybe see maiko and Pattie here as a alternate. casual sex orgy ending

Ari – if you didn’t have sex she comes and asks if you want to go out later tonight. You can have sex after listening to all her problems. A friend in need ending.

Phia will come if you have no girls at a certain level. Or possibly if you had sex with Ari. Phia will talk to the rookie about being special agent status. He will need to get more Khalei infusion and will will bring his condition back and worse like Jeo but he will be stronger and she will pleasure him all she wants. seduced sex ending.

Remi – if you go back with Yui you can visit Remi in her office and have more sex, she makes up some medical reason for it. A good boy ending.

Yui – i guess would have had to do her mission correctly to even reach this point anyway, so she is already ok with the rookie if he hasnt been having too much sex with other girls. she has relationship with Cain to keep in mind. But he can challenge her in a fight. if you win she will be desperate to win at all costs and use her sex submission to pin down the rookie to beat him. As she did with Jeo in ARIA. the rookie submits and almost cums in her. submission training ending.

None – the rookie passes all requirements to be a agent but does not yet hae a place/teams. so he goes and waits to be assigned a team. and faps? idk heh. qualified for nothing ending.

Loser – the rookie gets no sex and fails the combat missions. he does not have what is takes to be at the academy and gets kicked out. loser ending.

Hidden/Bonus? – On the Phia ending after doing another special agent infusion the rookie can choose the max and get overloaded oh Khalei and be super powerful. He will go around trying to rape some of the girls at the academy. Phia is already there so he starts with her. She likes it at first but then it starts to hurt etc. he fucks her silly. After that he randomly bumps into Rinoga next next and start fucking her but The Sire will come in and kill the rookie. shortly after he begins. Khalei overloaded ending.

December 31, 2016
1:48 pm
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Vortex00
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if any one has any specific dialogue/script ideas for any of these scenes feel free to post them.

January 3, 2017
1:42 am
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unticop
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Got something for the luma ending you mentioned, would have started with something earlier in the script but I need to look over the existing rookie script to see what edits are needed. First statement is a general sentence that can lead into most endings, I needed something to jump off of, so I made it as a temporary thing. Also the scene at the end cuts out b/c I don’t know what h is planned there.  

 

 

 

 

[Post Yui mission that leads into the endings.]

 

Player: (Jeez I didn’t think I’d be getting into a fight on my first week. I’m going to have to work to get used to this… Hey who’s that up ahead?)

 

 

Luma ending draft:

 

 

Player: Oh hey Luma. You just get off work too?

 

 

????: Oooo sis who’s this guy? Some side dish you’re working on?

 

Luma: Hey knock it off Stacy! I just got off work, I don’t want you starting something when Joiry gets here!

 

Player: Joiry? Who’s that?

 

Luma: My boyfriend, he’s on his way here and I don’t want him thinking you’re some dude I plan on fucking behind his back.

 

 

—[Choice branch] —

 

 

[Sure I guess]

 

Luma: Good, I think that’s him walking up now.

 

 

 

[Well I don’t know, I’m a pretty bad liar…]

 

Stacy: Hehehee… you grabbed a good one sis.

 

Luma: I said shut it! He’s right over there.

 

 

—[Branches converge here] —

 

Joiry: Hey hun, how the fuck are you doing?

 

Luma: Pretty good boo. Stacy’s here too, so don’t get too handsy yet.

 

Joiry: Fine, fine. I’m a man of many things and restraint is- wait who the fuck is this ass clown?

 

Player: Me?

 

Joiry: Yeah shit for brains, you think I’m talking to anyone else?!

 

Player: Woah man, calm down.

 

Joiry: Excuse me, I was the calm one until your smug ass, chicken ass face showed up. The fuck do you think you are?

 

Luma: Relax, he’s just some guy I work with.

 

Joiry: Well if he’s just here to work, why’s he looking at your ass like his name’s on it? You think you got some claim on my girl fuckpump?

 

Player: Seriously dude, just cool it. I didn’t mean anything like that-

 

Joiry: You calling me a liar bitch? Do you want your fucking face smashed in that bad?!

 

 

—[Choice branch]—

 

 

[Back down]

 

 

Player: Dude I’m a Gemco agent, I can’t just start fights with civilians when I like.

 

Joiry: Fine dickweed, then get the hell out of here.

 

Player: Jeez, what ever man…

 

Joiry: Come on Luma, let’s go. I’m tired of this fuck.

 

Luma: Fucking hell Joiry, you’re such an asshole!

 

Joiry: You know it honey.

 

—[Goes to no girls ending]—

 

 

 

[Stand up to Joiry]

 

 

Player: Fine asshole but I’m not going to hold back.

 

Joiry: Fine shit bird…

 

 

[Fight happens]

 

[Lose]

 

Joiry: Huh, that enough for you dumb fuck?

 

Player: Jeez, what ever man…

 

Joiry: Heh, thought so. Come on Luma, let’s go. I’m tired of this fuck.

 

Luma: Fucking hell Joiry, you’re such an asshole!

 

Joiry: You know it honey.

 

 

—[Goes to no girls ending]—

 

 

[Win]

 

Joiry: Fuck… what the hell is up with this guy?!

 

Player: I’m an agent man just back off. I don’t want to hurt you.

 

Joiry: You little— Ugh!

 

Luma: No cut it out Joiry! You hurt yourself!

 

Joiry: Dammit… naw I can still take this guy.

 

Luma: No way you can’t! Here, just use my card to get inside the office. There’s doctors that can fix you up.

 

Joiry: What you aint coming in with me?

 

Luma: Hell no, I’m tired as shit after work and you just picked a fight with this guy! I’m not staying here longer cause you got too pissed.

 

Joiry: Fine… I’ll be back tomorrow to fuck your ass though.

 

Luma: I know honey.

 

 

[Joiry exits frame]

 

 

Player: Hey I’m really sorry that turned out that way…

 

Luma: Well I kind of thought that might happen. Maybe I should’ve said something earlier but it’s too late now.

 

Player: Yeah…

 

Luma: You know I was looking forward to fucking him tonight though, I’ll guess I’ll have to take you home instead~

 

Player: W-wait, what?!

 

Stacy: Don’t just stand there, get in there cutie~

 

Player: S-sure, I’d love too.

 

 

[Transition to Luma’s house?]

 

 

Luma: You ready for the best fuck of your life?

 

Player: Hell yeah…

 

Luma: ………….

 

Player: Something wrong?

 

Luma: Yeah, I’m being dumb and thinking of Joiry again, he’s such an asshole sometimes.

 

Player: Tell me about it…

 

Luma: Like he’s always bitching that I don’t put out enough and that he needs to go to that cafe to get his rocks off. Doesn’t he know I got shit to do and can’t just bend over all the time?

 

Player: ……

 

Luma: Seriously, I bet he’s even fucking some of the other girls at school. I haven’t caught him yet but I keep hearing rumors and fuck…

 

Player: ……….

 

Luma: I need to stop talking about him though. I need to get all the Joiry pounded out of me for a night…

 

Player: That’s what I’m here for.

 

Luma: You’re damn right, now put this on before we get started.

 

Player: A condom?

 

Luma: Yeah, as long as it’s in a rubber it’s not cheating. I’m pissed at Joiry but I’m not as bad as him.

 

 

—[Choice]—

 

[I’ll wrap up]

 

Player: Sure Luma, I’ll play it safe.

 

Luma: Good boy, now get ready for the best night of your life…

 

 

[I want it raw]

 

Player: Come on Luma, I want to feel you bareback.

 

Luma: No way, I just said we’re not doing that.

 

Player: Why do you want to defend him so much? Do you think he wraps up when he’s out with other girls?

 

Luma: Pft… hell no.

 

Player: Exactly, you’re already better than him and you don’t need to do him any favors he isn’t doing for you.

 

Luma: Fine I get it, you can bareback me this once but you’d better not cum in me!

January 7, 2017
9:22 pm
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unticop
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Made a couple reworks from day 1. The bit of Lynn in front of Cain’s office and meeting Riley. The ear thing with Riley is pretty interchangeable, I just needed some kind of physical trait that wouldn’t completely break immersion in game. So I went with that. 

 

 

Lynn outside Cain’s office:

 

 

Lynn: And here’s Cain’s office, so you can go right in and-

 

Cain: Knock it off you clowns!

 

Lynn: Um… on second thought would you like to tour the school first?

 

Player: Anything to not get between him and whoever he’s talking too…

 

Lynn: Well then let’s walk around a bit. Shall we?

 

She leads me past endless hallways of dull white offices until we reach the slightly less dull stretch of classrooms and lecture halls. Most of which are filled with students attentively listening to their lecturers, which means we can only get a glimpse from the door to what’s inside. (Description kept short b/c I’m not sure what you want to have her show him.)

 

Lynn: Since you aren’t cleared by Cain yet, I can’t really show you much but this is where you’ll be taking your classes while you’re here.

 

Player: I didn’t think I’d have more school when I got here. I figured I was already done with all that.

 

Lynn: Don’t get worried about that. Most training will be done in the field, so you won’t be taking many classes.

 

Player: Hmm alright…

 

[Choice branch]

 

[Will I be seeing you in any of those classes?]

 

Player: Will I get to see you in any of my classes?

 

Lynn: Me? Probably not, I’m pretty much a full field agent at this point. So I don’t really have any lectures left to go to.

 

Player: Huh… that’s a shame. You’re pretty cool.

 

Lynn: Thanks but I’m not going anywhere. I’ll still be working in the same building, even if I’m not in class.

 

Player: Oh that’s cool.

 

[…………]

 

Player: ………………….

 

[Branch merge]

 

Lynn: Yeah, well Cain is probably cooled down by now. So we should head back before you’re late.

 

———————————————————————————————————————————————————

 

Riley 1st meeting:

 

 

????: Hey you there did you see… Player? Is that you?

 

Player: Hm? What?

 

????: Yeah, Player! It’s been forever but I’d never forget ears like that.

 

Player: My… what?! What about my ears?

 

????: Yeah your ears got that funny arch I always mentioned. Do you not remember that?

 

 

[Choice branch]

 

[…Yes?]

 

Player: Um… yeah. You were from the other day right?

 

Riley: You really don’t remember me do you…

 

Player: Sorry, I don’t.

 

Riley: I mean I guess it’s natural, it was back when we were kids so I shouldn’t have assumed you would remember. Even if we were close…

 

Player: Oh uh… sorry I just don’t remember right now. It’ll come back to me I’m sure.

 

Riley: Sure I guess…

 

 

 

[Sorry, I don’t remember]

 

 

Player: I don’t think I do, could you refresh my memory?

 

Riley: We used to go to school together and I’d always be the one that got you out of trouble.

 

Player: Wait, I think I do remember something like that…

 

Riley: Right? It was a long time ago so it may take a minute but I’m sure it’ll come back to you.

 

 

[Branch converge with the other girls arriving.]

January 10, 2017
1:00 am
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Vortex00
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@unticop

read over the Luma bit, seems good need a few changes to the language but it a lot to work with thanks. Also I noticed you assume whatever the player decides happens but there a scenario where Luma will not agree when the player doesn’t have enough points with Luma etc.

For the Lynn bit I noticed you described the scenery but description like that is not present in any of The Rookie. But I see some of the popular VNs having it in there so I’ll try to add more of stuff like that. I’ll probably have a bit where Lynn takes him to the music room and she explains her love of music and how she is starting a band with a few friends at Nanako, and not allowed to work etc. just depends how much the player talks to her. But say too much and Cain will come.

For the Riley bit yeah the ear is bit odd heh but yeah I get the idea.

January 16, 2017
10:28 pm
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unticop
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@vortex00 

 

Added a possible failstate to the Luma sex scene. I was going to end the ‘insist’ option with the player getting kicked in the balls but I didn’t know how you would handle physical movement stuff like that so I just ended it with Luma getting mad. Saw you posted a similar savor the moment thread as well. Are either of these more important than the other? I imagine you’re interested in both but I’d rather contribute to the one that’s getting more of your attention currently. Cause if I write something that’ll only get used months later, I’m afraid something may get altered in the game that would make those script additions obsolete and I’d rather not do that. 

 

[Failure to get bareback]

 

 

Player: Come on Luma, lets do it bareback instead.

 

Luma: What the fuck are you talking about? I just said we’re not doing that!

 

Player: Yeah but it’ll feel way better without it.

 

Luma: I don’t care. I’m not a skank that goes around letting just anyone go raw. You’re wrapping up or you’re fucking off!

 

 

[Choice branch]

 

[Fine I’ll wrap up]

 

 

Player: Sorry, I’ll wear the condom.

 

Luma: Good boy… now get ready for the best night of your life.

 

 

[Insist]

 

 

Player: Come on Luma… can’t we just try it a bit? I know you’d prefer it raw too.

 

Luma: Fuck off!

(Wanted to have her kick him in the balls or something but I don’t know how you would plan to have something like that. So I just cut it off there.) 

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