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UMCH ideas, feedback, and suggestions
April 29, 2017
5:49 am
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Well, the conversation could have started as a professional conversation but Deliah could mention that she’s always horny, and goes to every place she thinks of to try a larger variety of things… and people. And would emphasize her lack of gender preference, thus leading to the conversational shift from a conversation about male sex partners to lovers in general. 

She could also mention that she had a few futa partners before moving to the city and transferring schools.

Heck, she could even have had sex with Remi BEFORE becoming a student for the school. But if Remi doesn’t broadcast the fact she has a cock, then she wouldn’t either. …maybe a visit to the nurse’s office could have a conversation between them, with Remi explaining to Deliah that “nothing happened,or will happen… so long as you’re a student here.”

The Greel thing in retrospect i admit is debatable… i mean, Deliah, for as open as she is about sex, has such a lack of interest in anything else that her only way making Greel understand she wants to ‘play’ is to get upfront with him and tell him “i want to fuck”. You know Greel better than i do, would he take her on?

 

That aside, (well aside, i’m editing that post a week after having posted it just to add that idea). Deliah joining the Boxing club is a given. considering how much of a fighter she is. But once she got that talk with Pattie about how “four is possible”, she would probably try to join the Gymnastic Club. All and only because of the improvement her sexlife would get from the added flexibility. 

  On the other hand, she wouldn’t join the Swim Club, because for one she would get more training from training at sea, and for two, THAT’S where the biggest variety of men (and women) are.

She also wouldn’t join the Sentinel club, no matter how proficient she may be with it, because for her a battle should be up close and personal. NOT through a drone of some sort.

July 21, 2017
6:10 pm
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Here are the basics of a character I made up. I don’t yet have a name or look in mind but I can add more to the character if you like the sound of him.

 

He lived in a poor, high crime rate city. He dropped out of school and got involved with gangs and crime, but his mother saved up enough money from her job to move out. She moved to or near Nanako and signed him up as a student at the school. 

The first few days he didn’t go but due to her being worried and asking him to go, he felt bad and decided to go. However he regularly skips classes and doesn’t wear his uniform, often getting him in trouble.

Because of this, good students look down on him, seeing him as a thug with no respect for the school rules.

But he does have a sense of morality and stands up for anyone who he sees as being wronged by someone. Such as confronting David for bullying or forcing people to do things or Kyle for taking pictures of girls without their permission.  

This leaves him disliked by many bad students as well. However some students may like him due to reasons like he helped them or they just think his attitude is cool. He’s not very social unless someone is consistently nice to him. 

 

He isn’t dumb since he can deal with situations quite well and keep a clear head but he does perform very poorly at his class work when he bothers to do it. 

He’s very good at fighting due to his old lifestyle. I’d say in boxing he would be better than David, Joiry and Jeni but not as good as Luma, Lynn and Riley or Maiko when she is able to fight Luma.

July 24, 2017
12:59 pm
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@litlikecandle
Thanks for the ideas. In general, it’s hard for me to have characters in a setting that are designed to conflict with the rules of that setting.

To fit in with the school, he can’t just outright not wear the uniform. he can however wear it sloppy.
if he doesn’t wear it at all GemCo law division will remove him from the school and he won’t even be there in the first place.

as for skipping class. Classes don’t work the same way as in irl. At Nanako once you get a good score on the test your are done with the class. And you can take the test(s) at any time. But as seen in UMCH at the start with Riley coming to get Maiko to go to class, not going to class prior to getting a good score on the test is looked down on. I think the only character that skips any classes on purpose in David. Even Joiry goes to class. Dizzy skips sometimes unintentionally because she may be hunting aliens or something odd like that heh. 

Also there are a few students you might consider like Alfie(seen in cafe/mall sometimes) and Mira (lingerie shop owner) who were students in the past, but aren’t currently. They are seen in places outside the school. Not being a current member of the school allows for more freedoms.

The following users say thank you to Vortex00 for this useful post:

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July 24, 2017
3:59 pm
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@Vortex00

Good points and thanks for explaining how the classes work.

In regards to the uniform, he can either wear it sloppy like you said, maybe after being warned to wear it or he can spend most of his time in the gym, choosing to wear the gym clothes instead which seem more his style.

Or maybe this backstory can be related to his first day, in which he got removed from the school for breaking too many rules such as not wearing his uniform, fighting in the hallways and disrespecting teachers and now he spends his time around the outside area. Most of his character relations coming from how he interacted with them during his time in school.

 

If you’d like me to expand on this character, I can either with him being an ex student or a student on his last warning, trying to avoid getting into more trouble. I think both can be interesting, and you can choose which one if you’d like.

July 24, 2017
5:21 pm
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@Vortex00

 

Actually, I just thought of something. It changes the character’s personality but it could be more interesting. 

Same backstory but he got kicked out of the school very early which caused him to try to get a job but all the jobs he either didn’t like or failed to get. 

He now spends his time outside, thinking of schemes to make money. Most of his plans fail and he often tries to get the other characters involved in his schemes. He doesn’t take his plans too serious however.

This is where his character changes from the first idea. He isn’t as serious and more social. He is friendly and witty and seems to lack shame.

However, because of where he is from, he can still be serious and sometimes aggressive and fearless. He uses his friendly, positive side to help him overcome his negative past of growing up around crime and violence.  

He will still have the same morality too.

August 4, 2017
7:27 am
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@litlikecandle

yeah this is more easy to mix in with the current lore stuff, there are a few character that exist outside of the school. I think the lingerie shop owner Mira dropped out. I don’t recall exactly. And Aflie graduated but still kind of hangs around. And of course the current student still interact with them.

Schemes to make money seem similar to Kyle, but perhaps could be more or less pervy. I would assume less pervy since earlier you mentioned how he is against people being wronged?

August 4, 2017
8:17 am
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Pretty much. He is fine with sex and nudity but his problem is with Kyle not having permission to get the photos. 

Some ideas I have include:

(Note. These are all maybes. I don’t know about them yet so I’ll see what you think.)

Selling things. Maybe he can be a merchant in a game but I don’t know what type of things he’ll sell yet. His items can help general gameplay like the bookstore does in CH. 

Photos. Non-nude photos of girls. He pays the girls to let him take a picture and give him permission to show and sell them to others. These can either be normal photos or feature non-nude but sexually suggestive poses or fetishes (Revealing clothing, ice-cream licking, showing hands/feet. etc) Basically anything there would be a market for without risk of getting into trouble. Depending on the girl depends on his price. Pattie = cheap. Luma = expensive. 

 Bodyguard/Follower. Like Pattie, the player can pay him to follow and either lead him somewhere for sex or he can protect the player from certain situations. Situations similar to meeting David outside at night. They can be avoided if he is with the player. 

 

That’s all I have so far. 

Maybe in dialogue he can mention failed schemes. Like he tried pimping but this failed due to the cafe. Or he tried becoming a music artist but didn’t have the skill or passion to improve. 

These aren’t really important or relevant. They can just suggest that what he’ll be currently doing aren’t his first attempts at making money.

August 15, 2017
9:35 am
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I was thinking some more about the character and I thought I should add this.
He doesn’t actually need the money since he lives with a parent who has a paying job.
So if you don’t like the idea of schemes, it can be changed. The character could be unemployed and the focus could be more on him socializing with the other characters.
I think either could work so it’s your call.

August 15, 2017
11:10 pm
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this stuff seems fine tbh. don’t really need the parent, a lot of character have parents that are not mentioned or unknown.

August 16, 2017
4:40 am
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@Vortex00

True. She doesn’t have to be shown. Maybe mentioned sometimes in regards to where he gets his money from despite not having a job.

I’m stuck between the schemes and doing nothing. I’ll think about how both could work and I’ll pick one if you’re indifferent to either.

Do you want me to give information on anything else? Quick backstory, dialogue scenes, relationships with the other characters?

I can just write a few small paragraphs of information and scripts then see what you think, if you want.  

August 18, 2017
11:36 am
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 @Vortex00

To pass some free time, I decided to write a bunch of information about the character. Also so I wouldn’t forget any of my ideas.

This includes:

Name. Personality. Behaviour. Backstory.  Relationships. 

So any info you might want should be ready to be copied and pasted.  

I just thought I’d let you know I’ve got some information written and this is just an update on my progress. 

 

I hope posting more than once doesn’t look like I’m pushing for replies or impatient. That’s not my intention.  

Only to add more to my previous posts.

August 19, 2017
12:49 am
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for Personality, Behavior, and Relationships the best thing to do is create situations and dialogue with the character interacting with other characters then I can go other then and make any corrections for the current characters, and can get an idea about how your character behaves in different situations. that is the best way for me to understand the personality and stuff.

August 19, 2017
4:54 am
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Vortex00 said
for Personality, Behavior, and Relationships the best thing to do is create situations and dialogue with the character interacting with other characters then I can go other then and make any corrections for the current characters, and can get an idea about how your character behaves in different situations. that is the best way for me to understand the personality and stuff.  

I accidentally clicked Quote instead of Add Reply but I don’t think it matters. 

Sounds good. I will write a few of them for different characters.  

 

I also added some information on his appearance but that can be discussed another time. 

August 19, 2017
4:37 pm
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I called my character August Kósta. I will use Aug for short when referring to him.

 

(Aug and Riley outside)
(Possibly his introduction)
Riley: I’m disappointed you left so soon.
Aug: Yeah, same. Hopefully I still got a shot at getting with you.
Riley: What? You should be worried about your education.
Aug: The streets taught me all I need to know.
Riley: Your past experiences won’t help you get a job.
Aug: I don’t want a job. I’m doing just fine.
Riley: You can’t rely on your parents’ income forever.
Aug: Mmm… You’re right. I think I have an idea.
Riley: Stay out of trouble please.
Aug: Yeah. Don’t worry about it.

(Aug, Pattie and Kyle outside.)
(Aug holding camera and Pattie is wearing a revealing outfit.)
Kyle: A photoshoot? Nice!
Aug: Get out my shot, cus.
Pattie: Why can’t you two be friends?
Aug: Fuck that.
Pattie: But you have so much in common chu.
Kyle: Wait. I reconize that camera… Did you take that from Publisher Club?
Aug: Er.. Yeah.
Kyle: This is why me and him won’t get along.
Aug: I’ll give it back when I can buy my own.

(Aug and Joiry outside. Joiry wearing his causal clothes.)
Joiry: Sorry, bro. I got no change.
Aug: I ain’t looking for money, cus. I wanted to ask about your shoes.
Joiry: Oh. I got these from the mall.
Aug: They lit. I might cop some.
Joiry: Nice, bro. They are expensive though.
Aug: Why you keep thinking I’m poor though?

(Aug and Luma outside)
Aug: I don’t do that shit anymore.
Luma: So it’s true? I knew it!
Aug: Was true though!
(Option to interact)
Maiko: What’s going on?
Luma: August is a junky.
Aug: I was. I’ve been clean for a year.
Luma: How much longer will that last?
Maiko: Leave him alone, Luma.
Luma: Relax, Maiko. I’m just playing with him.

(Aug and Riley outside)
Riley: Since when were you interested in studying?
Aug: I’m not. I just wanna spend time with you.
Riley: I think I’ll be too busy for that. Next time I’m free, we can go to the cafe or something.
Aug: The cafe? To eat or…
Riley: Eat. What else? Oh. No, not that.
Aug: Aye. Come find me when you wanna go.

(Aug in girls’ locker room)
Maiko: I didn’t expect to find you in here.
Aug: I was giving Pattie a massage after her workout. She’s in the shower now. I wish she would of showered before the massage though.
(This can either just be dialogue or it could allow a H scene between Maiko and August.)
(If a H scene is avabilable)
Aug: Do you want one?
(Option to accept)

(Aug, Jeni and Kyle in girls’ locker room)
Jeni: Both of you get out now!
Aug: Don’t mind me, I’m waiting for Pattie.
Kyle: Oh yeah, me too.
Jeni: I don’t care what you’re doing. Out!

(Aug and Kyle in the girls’ locker room)
Kyle: Wait. Why are you here?
Aug: I’m about to kick you out.
Kyle: Come on, man. Why can’t you just let me be?
Aug: Chill. I’m joking. I like to hang in here with Pattie and Maiko sometimes.
Kyle: So we can stay out of each other’s way?
Aug: Sure whatever. Unless you start sneaking pictures.

(Aug in the gym at night)
Maiko: What are you doing here?
Aug: I’m looking for some gym clothes.
Maiko: Why?
Aug: I want some new pajamas. 

(August outside at night. Aug wearing a costume with rabbit ears.)
Aug: What’s good, Mai.
Maiko: August? Why are you dressed like that?
Aug: I heard David was causing trouble for some girls at night. So I decided to become a superhero.
Maiko: Oh? Do you have a name?
Aug: Nice Bunny.
Maiko: Well good luck.

(Costumed August and David outside at night.)
Aug: Stop right there, villain!
David: Who the fuck are you?
Aug: Your reign of terror ends here.
David: What the fuck are you saying?
Aug: I must bring just… Oh fuck it. I’m a superhero and I’mma stop you from whatever it is you’re about to do.
David: I’m going home to take a shower.
Aug: This late?
David: I was training! Get out of my face!
Aug: That was too awkward…

(Aug and Pattie in secluded area.)
Pattie: Was that your music chu?
Aug: Yeah. I was trying out my portable subwoofer.
Pattie: All I could hear was booms.
Aug: The bass is crazy. You wanna try?
(Can activate a H scene of Pattie sitting on the speaker while being vibrated by it.)

(Aug, Leyah and Pattie in the cafe)
Aug: I’m good to go right now. How about you two?
Pattie: I’m ready chu.
Leyah: Nyaa! This will be fun!
(Option to activate a H scene between August, Pattie and Leyah in the cafe back room.)

(Aug and Riley at a beach or Boardwalk area)
Aug: You want me to help you with that?
Riley: My sunscreen? No, it’s fine. Maiko can help.
Option to accept. Accepting activates a scene of Maiko rubbing sunscreen on Riley. August watches with an erection in his pants.
Riley: Jeez, August. At least try to hide it.

(If Maiko asks Aug to follow)
Aug: Aye aye, cap. Lead the way.

(If lead back to Maiko’s room)
Aug: I like it here.

(After sex)
Aug: Thanks. Fuck buddies for life.

(If Maiko asks him to stop following)
Aug: Ok. Bye bye.

 

Let me know if you feel any of these don’t work, are too short or too long.

I can give you more over time. Mostly small and random exchanges of dialogue with characters he likes and dislikes and I might also do some interactions with other characters which haven’t been mentioned yet.

September 14, 2017
1:28 pm
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Thanks sorry for the delay these are corrections I would have. Not sure if they all still fit there character. But this is the process of working on him to fit in the story.

(Aug and Riley outside)
Aug: The streets taught me all I need to know.

not sure I want to imply there is much if any street life/activity in the Nanako area. Most of the areas are fairly prosperous due to GemCo Law division presence. Not really too many folks just loitering in the street. Amp’s has a crew in a different part of town but even they have a base. Albert is the GemCo exec that oversees loitering issues and deals with anything related to an area GemCo has presence in to have a good public image. basically making sure everyone is safe from a person roaming the street like August. He’d bump into GemCo agents more than once during being taught by the “streets” heh. Any that gets fairly hostile would switch to being lead by Harold and would send in Special Agents.

(Aug, Pattie and Kyle outside.)
Aug would not be allowed in the Photo club, or kicked out if he doesn’t get along with Kyle. especially taking a camera and then making his on terms when he would give it back.

as far as getting along, Joey for example is kind of on the edge since she doesn’t agree with Kyle’s (and Pattie’s) perversion pics. But she does all the paperwork, articles, journalism work and takes the non-pervy pics the club needs to be considered legitimate with the school.

it would have to been Pattie who borrowed the camera or just Patties camera. Also Aug would have to be useful to the club. Kyle has other guy members in the club, like Jay, Chester, etc because they help sell and/or buy and take perv pics also. see the last part of “(Aug and Pattie in secluded area.)” also.

(Aug and Joiry outside. Joiry wearing his causal clothes.)
don’t want to use slang or hip words like “lit” here. Need to just use “cool” or whatever stands the test of time, and more importantly is recognized and understood by people of all ages. Need to make sure his personality is there while also using words that can easily be translated to different languages.

(Aug and Luma outside)
Maiko would have no idea what  junkie is. Luma would call Maiko nerdelt. there are changes I would make, but the character seems fine here. no issues with the character.

(Aug and Riley outside)
I’m not sure what canon is yet, but a player could optionally have the Rookie courting Riley in the Rookie VN game. No real issues here thoguh. just something to keep in mind. At the end of UMCH for example, Riley notifies the Rookie ahead of time to meet Maiko at the mall area. It’s basically a personal favor. August would not know about the Rookie if he only hangs out in Nanako areas. Riley seems a number of hours a day at the GemCo Academy in a different part of town.

(Aug in girls’ locker room)
There would not be enough time to give a massage in the locker room. without Mika, Savori, Luma, Jeni or anyone would destroy a guy for being in there. It is why Kyle is always hiding and/or hiding in a locker. Also thought you had in the first/top dialogue example with Riley saying he left so soon? left school so soon? He would not be be allowed in the school, much less the locker room if so.

(Aug, Jeni and Kyle in girls’ locker room)
Pretty much this. in reference to the above saying there would not be time to massage. assuming he is a student.

(Aug and Kyle in the girls’ locker room)
Maiko wouldn’t be comfortable hanging with any guy in the locker (even Greel but for different reasons) and Pattie is almost always with Maiko.

(Aug in the gym at night)
This seems fine

(August outside at night. Aug wearing a costume with rabbit ears.)
No issues here also

(Costumed August and David outside at night.)
no issue, nice follow up

(Aug and Pattie in secluded area.)
I notice you have a few parts that seem to imply pattie spends quite a bit of time with August (this, the photo shoot, the massage, etc). However she spends most of her time with Maiko, and when not with Maiko she is in the Cafe working. And if none of those she is doing Photo club stuff. If he is not on good terms with Kyle, Pattie would likely hang out with with Kyle more than August. August need to fit around Pattie for it work, not change Pattie to fit August.

I’m ok with making August like a early/childhood friend of Pattie perhaps. and is the only reason why Kyle tolerates him.

(Aug, Leyah and Pattie in the cafe)
no issue

(Aug and Riley at a beach or Boardwalk area)
Not sure the favor is with him is between Riley and Pattie ? who does he like more?

@litlikecandle

September 14, 2017
2:29 pm
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@Vortex00 

That’s cool. I sent a lot of info for you to check and you’ve taken the time to read and correct so I apperiate that.

A lot of August’s story isn’t explained here. I think I will have to find a way to explain how he got to Nanako and why.
There seems to be some misunderstanding to what August’s lines mean. But that is my bad. It shows they are not very clear in terms of what he means exactly.

1 – Aug: The streets taught me all I need to know.
Honestly, I’m not a big fan of this line anyway, but it refers to his area before moving to Nanako. He had only moved to Nanako a few weeks before this conversation. I could look at this again, making it clear he is fairly new in Nanako and has to get used to this new lifestyle.

2 – (Aug, Pattie and Kyle outside.)
He broke into the school and stole the camera. (No idea how he’d be able to pull that off though.) Kyle sees the camera he is using, reconizing it as the camera that went missing recently. This was an idea for the origin of him taking photos. However, it might be better if he just buys his own camera or uses Pattie’s. 

3 – (Aug in girls’ locker room)
Yeah. I should of considered timing. That is pretty flawed. And in regards to him leaving school, the lockers is likely him sneaking into the school, not as a student. However, it is unlikely he could do that unless he has some kind of skill with stealth or espionage. Regardless, I will take out the girls’ locker room ideas due to these flaws.

4 – (Aug and Pattie in secluded area.)
Very good point. This was mostly due to Pattie seeming like someone he could have fun with in both sexual and non-sexual ways. But considering he isn’t a student and isn’t yet really close to Maiko, the cafe may be the only time he spends with Pattie.

5 – (Aug and Riley at a beach or Boardwalk area)
That’s a good question which I’ve been thinking about. It’s hard to answer because he sees Pattie as a friend and a friend with benefits. However, he has a lot of respect and attraction for Riley. If he was to get into a relationship with her, knowing her character, it would have more commitment, unlike with Pattie, so he’d have to stop his sexual interactions with Pattie, since he wouldn’t want to betray Riley’s trust.
I haven’t decided what will happen between August and Riley yet. We can discuss that if you want.

 

I will make changes to his dialogue based on your feedback. I will try to be more clear with his story and motives.

September 14, 2017
2:50 pm
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@Vortex00

Something else that has been on my mind, will August appear in CH or after it?

I think he’ll be better to appear after it, unless you want him in CH.

But if he appears after it, won’t a lot of this dialogue be different? I wrote it in the style of CH, but the ending of CH suggests the next game would be pretty different, with a plot involving Maiko vs Gemco.  He could come in after all that, as part of a new story for the characters, but the previous events of the characters and all the time that past during it, may cause some things to be different about the characters and area.

Or he could somehow be involved in the conflict, if he is in the game directly after CH. But this would give him a different role, dialogue and will have some effect on his backstory. I’m cool with that though.

Depending on what project he appears in, his interactions and objectives could be completely different. 

 

Edit:

I recently wrote corrections to his dialogue and some new to replace removed scenes. If nothing about him changes based on this question, I will send you the new script. 

September 19, 2017
5:51 pm
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Theoretically it would be after, however the point to see his behavior in between different character and in different situations in general. A number of things here are not specific to a game. such as Pattie spending alone time with him, yet him being at odds with Kyle, and him spending time with Riley, etc. How different characters view him as some kind of homeless guy such as Joiry, etc.

@litlikecandle

September 20, 2017
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@Vortex00

 

I’m not sure if you saw my original post yet but I decided to rewrite it.

Here’s my plan for his story and interactions in the game.

If it works, I’ll write dialogue for it.

 

(In-game)

1 – He has left the school and Riley confronts him, telling him she was disappointed that he left and advising him to do something with his life.

2 – He then starts to talk to Riley but other things keep her busy so they don’t get a lot of time to interact. She’s pretty indifferent to him at this point. 

3 – He starts to dress up in a superhero costume and patrol the streets at night.  Likely due to boredom. Possibly he met Dizzy who told him about David.

4 – He wants physical training so he pays someone to train him. I’m thinking Jeni but if she won’t or can’t, anyone who can fight and wants money will do. Except David. 

5 – He approaches Maiko after finding out she’s having trouble with agents, offering to sell her things such as health and damage boosts and stress lower, enemy stunner, etc. All chemical things.

 

The numbers don’t connect to each other. They’re just used if you need to refer to one for correcting.

 

(Backstory and explanations.) Most of these will be hinted at and lightly explained through dialogue.

1 – In his old city, he was friends with some people who became wanted criminals and he had a history with drugs but he got rehab then      moved to Nanako. He wasn’t seen as a criminal himself, just as a potential criminal. 

2 – Before rehab and moving, one of his friends shown him a drug lab and taught him to make drugs by using medication and cleaning products., etc. This got him interested in chemistry.

3 – He never actually sold anything nor did anyone but his former friends know about him being taught this. He revisits this skill to help Maiko and help himself deal with people when playing hero.

4 – Riley was informed about him when he joined the school. She was asked to welcome him to the school and to check if he is settling in. Also, to report any suspicious behaviour.

5 – He didn’t like school so he left. Over the few days he has been in Nanako, he’s met Maiko and knows about the café’s services.

October 23, 2017
2:32 pm
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I wanna ask, where are we with this? 

Do you want to wait for a more relevant time or a less busy time?

I don’t mind waiting. I’m just curious.

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